He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
