i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize