They should really pass out barf bags in church
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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