don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
