There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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