my mouth tastes like poor choices
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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