Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
