Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.

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(440): It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm. http://tfl.nu/s4sh

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(807): View more from Ontario

Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this

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(807): Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this http://tfl.nu/x0os

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(518): View more from New York

I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide

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(518): I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide http://tfl.nu/vkti

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.

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(662): Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing. http://tfl.nu/08ze

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(732): View more from New Jersey

four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.

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(732): four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day. http://tfl.nu/q3s7

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(702): View more from Nevada

It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.

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(702): It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life. http://tfl.nu/mba1

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.

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(401): My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog. http://tfl.nu/x3j9

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on

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(774): Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on http://tfl.nu/movk

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other

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(608): I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other http://tfl.nu/go45

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(308): View more from Nebraska

He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.

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(308): He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along. http://tfl.nu/kb7d

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"

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(781): I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions" http://tfl.nu/b7d2

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(519): View more from Ontario

Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck

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(519): Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck http://tfl.nu/6ifi

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(616): View more from Michigan

Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.

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(616): Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death. http://tfl.nu/ogc4

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.

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(704): Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water. http://tfl.nu/djc8

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(775): View more from Nevada

I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.

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(775): I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things. http://tfl.nu/iyc1

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