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It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Randomize
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