I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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