she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
