your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
