ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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