God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He felt like a one man threesome
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
