Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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