We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
