So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
