Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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