I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
