So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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