I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
