Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
