Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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