did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
