This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
