my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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