Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
