you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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