i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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