he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you didnt know i had herpes?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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