I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize