I think I am morally bankrupt
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
