I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
