Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
