I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Randomize
