just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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