Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
