I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
