It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
