One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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