I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
