I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
