Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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