The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
