Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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