I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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