Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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