Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
