i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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