you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
