ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
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We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
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He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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