i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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