apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize