dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
