I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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