Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
