The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
