I smell stomach acid.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
