You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
