Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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