so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
