We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
