we were pretty classy up until the second keg
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
