Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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