I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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