Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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