Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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