This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
