she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
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