I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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