I accidentally had phone sex last night
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
