So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
