Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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